Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Two thousand seven.

Interviewed with a company for a small molecule position that I absolutely loved. Thought I did very well in the interview. Got really good feedback. But I didn't get the job.

I cried and drank and dialed and cried some more.

Many month later, I found out that the company was having troubles, and they were on a company wide hiring freeze.

Sometimes, it really isn't about you. Most of the time, it has nothing to do with you at all.


Stumbled upon The Law of Attraction. Introduced it to my aunt. It completely changed her life. To the point where I'm afraid she has overdone it.

As for me? It works.

You are what you attract.


A painful drama.

She (6:38:39 PM): i 'm sorry i stopped talking to you

She (6:38:42 PM): i want to tell you why

She (6:38:46 PM): that night you got drunk

She (6:38:50 PM): you said something that offended me

She (6:38:57 PM): and i just didn't want to deal with it

She (6:39:04 PM): soi acted childish

Me (6:39:16 PM):

Me (6:39:20 PM):
what did i say?

Me (6:39:22 PM): and when?

She (6:39:28 PM): i don't want to get into it

She (6:39:39 PM): but it was similar to something that victor said to me before..

She (6:39:59 PM): just a general disbelief and lack of faith in me and questioning why i got a job offer and you didn't type of thing

Me (6:40:43 PM):
whatever it is, i'm very sorry

Me (6:41:24 PM):
why bring it up now?

She (6:41:37 PM): i meant to do it sooner

She (6:41:39 PM): just never did

She (6:41:45 PM): kind of just got too busy

She (6:42:50 PM): i realized it's not worth the anger and youguys were probably just frustrated

She (6:42:51 PM): whatever

Me (6:44:16 PM): and so now you want to start talking again....?

She (6:45:12 PM): i'm just not angry ove rmore

Me (6:47:36 PM): if you brought this up A LOT sooner i can do something about it, now i dunno what to tell ya

Me (6:48:40 PM): saying sorry so late isn't gonna cut it so i dunno why you bring this up now

Me (6:49:52 PM): you want me to feel bad or something?

Me (6:50:16 PM):
want me to know what i'm the one who screwed up our friendship?

Me (6:53:08 PM): next time you wanna say something, say it right then or don't say it. period

She (6:53:00 PM): i thought you'd be curious

Me (6:53:15 PM): i was

Me (6:53:26 PM): got over it

She (6:53:33 PM): i wasn't being passive aggressive

She (6:53:45 PM): i jsut figured if someone could think that about me, they weren't worth my time or friendship

Me (6:53:57 PM): you want me to tell you how upset i was when i realized that our friendship is over?

She (6:54:03 PM): maybe you should watch what you say next time

Me (6:54:18 PM): i

Me (6:54:19 PM): was

She (6:54:12 PM): you want to know how upset i was when i found out you had no faith in me

Me (6:54:20 PM): drunk

She (6:54:15 PM): yeah

She (6:54:20 PM): it doens't mean you can't be honest when you're drunk

She (6:54:27 PM): probably more so, becaus eyou have no inhibitions

She (6:54:32 PM): so i figured it was your sincere thoughts

She (6:54:45 PM): i'm done

Me (6:55:44 PM): if you're so upset then why didn't you tell me?

Me (6:58:01 PM): can't believe you just said i wasn't worth your time or your friendship

Me (6:58:44 PM): fyi, if you want me to feel what you felt, you have succeeded

Me (6:58:47 PM): with flying colors

Me (6:58:50 PM): so congrats

Life is like a tapestry.


Through all the ups and downs, I realized one very important thing.

I am very blessed.

I have friends and families whom I love, and love me in return. They fulfill my every needs, physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. They also help me grow, personally and professionally.

Think about these people when you're bitching about life. You'll realize how great and how easy you have it.


This has been a tough year. There were a lot of tears shed, a lot of shriveled hopes, a lot of broken dreams, and a lot of waking up.

But at the end of the day, when everything is said and done,

I am first and foremost thankful.

Thankful for what I have.

Thankful for what I am.

And my heart is warm and full right now.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

What makes me happy?

In times when I feel stagnant and unhappy, I like to give thanks.

I am thankful for being a diamond in the rough.

I am thankful for the love I am receiving.

I am thankful for being me.

I am thankful for the ability to laugh and make fun of myself.

I am thankful for "You are only as happy as you let your mind to be."

I am thankful for "You can't rely on somebody else to complete you. It comes from your inner being."

I am thankful for the past for making me into what I am.

I can't help but chuckle a bit.

This is amazing. Such a simple exercise, yet so powerful.

And I maintain,

Life really is beautiful.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Ungrateful bitch.

Today I join the ranks of millions of Americans and billions of people worldwide.

I hate my job.

I feel so invisible and disposable. Like there’s no future.

Yeah, it’s the unknown that makes me unhappy.

On the other hand, I have a job. It pays the bills. I am learning A LOT. I am meeting new people. I am polishing myself.

Why am I such a son-of-a-bitch and ask for so much sometime?


Tuesday, December 04, 2007

A moment of clarity.

It's not always about you.

Most of the time, it has nothing to do with you at all.

Remember that.

Monday, December 03, 2007


It's been more than a year.


It feels weird to be writing again.

Somehow, knowing that nobody will read this but myself, even though it's published for the whole world to see, that seems to project a sense of comfort. That's nice. I like that.



What a name.

Feels kinda stuck at the moment, doesn't it?

It'll get better. It always does.

Trust me.

I trust you.

Good night. Have a sweet dream little boy.