I'm the most popular guy in 2 of my classes. Not because I'm the hottest guy, although I'm pretty fucking hot.Not because I'm the smartest guy, although I'm pretty fucking smart.Not because I'm the nicest guy, although I'm pretty fucking nice.It's because I speak all the languages everyone speaks. Yeah, I'm tetralingual.And I'm now hiding in the computer lab because I'm tetralingual.See, when you're smart and nice and hot and fluent in 4 languanges, everybody wants a piece of you. I am sooooo good at telling people what was wrong with their solution, it's ridiculous. I'll take a look at their work, and within a minute, I can point out exactly what's wrong with it. And then just when you thought you can sit down peacefully and work on your next assignment..."Hey Snakey, what did you get for this problem?""Snakey, want to go eat?""Snakey, how did you do this part?""Eh have you done this homework yet?""Have you had lunch?""Hey, what's up Snakey. You look good today.""Dude your presentation yesterday was really good."So yeah, that's why I'm hiding in here right now.
Grateful Cartman says, Thank You.
I read your comments.I talked to my counselor.The work load is still insane.The future still looks bleak.But, I know I'll make it, one small step at a time.So,Thank you, Merkley, Citrinette, Martin, Ooda, Marriedman, Mitz and Digi. Your kind words were much much appreciated.
This is not what I signed up for.
Back when I started this piece-of-shit-mother-fucking school, I heard many horrible stories. Many of them true, as it came from their own experiences. I've heard a couple Math majors jumped off the top of Evans Hall (the Math building, which is also the ugliest building on campus). They died, of course. Then I've heard another chemical engineering major told me that she studied until she cries. Then there's this person who started off with pre-med and ended up graduating with a mass communication degree.
I am here to tell you that these stories, are indeed, true.
Because I am about to jump off a tall building myself.
Because this is not worth it.
No, not worth it.
I started with a dream, in other words, an illusions that I will get a good job that pays well, and I'll be doing what I like. 3 semesters down the road, I realize that this dream is, for the lack of better description, bullshit. I couldn't be more wrong. Because it looks like I'm busting my ass off just to get a job in Oklahoma, Utah, or Ohio.
What. the. fuck. am. I. gonna. do. in. Ohio?
I'm about to quit.
They say the 4 years in college is the best time of of their lives.
I'm here to tell you that those people who said that? They are definitely not engineering majors, trying so hard to graduate with honors.
What's an honor degree for?
I don't know.
All I know is weeks after weeks after weeks after weeks of being pounded by mountains and mountains of work, I am this close to giving up.
When you're a football player, tens of thousands of people cheer for you when you score a touchdown. When you're a chemical engineer, what do you get when you solve an extremely difficult problem?
What you think somebody will pat you back and tell you what a great job you've done? You think somebody will cheer for you? You think maybe you'll feel like you've accomplished something?
WAKE THE FUCK UP AND STOP DREAMING, YOU STUPID FOOL! NO ONE IS GONNA CARE WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And you can't even tell anybody about it because no one will understand the difficulties of determining the final temperature of an isentropically expanded gas using the appropriate generalized correlations.
And the sadddest part is that you have to go through all these alone. No one to share your joy and sorrow. No one will give you a bear hug and tell you that it'll be all right.
It's gorgeous out. Sunny 72 degree, nice breeze.
I'll be going to the library in an hour.
Today is the end of week 4.
11 more weeks to go.
I seriously doubt I can make it.
What a life, huh.
A 20 pages report due coming Tuesday - done. A 30 minutes presentation due coming Tuesday - 70% done. A pre-lab due coming Tuesday - done. A problem set due coming Wednesday - 60% done. A 5 minutes presentation due coming Thursday - 0% done. Another problem set due coming Friday - 50% done. I can't believe I got so much done in 38 hours. I'm gonna reward myself. What should I do?
What a life, huh?
A 20 pages report - due coming TuesdayA 30 minutes presentation - due coming TuesdayA pre-lab - due coming TuesdayA problem set - due coming WednesdayA 5 minutes presentation - due coming ThursdayAnother problem set - due coming FridayI am honestly going to cry.
It's a beautiful day. Sunny. Happy. People walking their dogs. There's a football game and everybody is having a BBQ before the game. They're talking, laughing.
The closer I am to become a certified chemical engineer, the further away I am from my dreams.
Is this really what I want?
"Snakehead, open your eyes. Wake up. I'm about to cum.""Huh? Oh.""Oh oh oh...""All right let's go back to sleep.""Wait, it's your turn now.""It's all right. Let's just go to sleep."I was drunk out of my mind and all I wanted to do was to pass out.-------------------------------------------------------"Snakehead, look! That dog is so cute!""Are those dingelberries?"
Who am I?
I am a bird who’s too afraid to fly, so I walk. I am a person too afraid to live outside the box, so I follow the norm. I am a boy too afraid to fall, so I never jump. I am a man too afraid to lose, so I never risk it all. I am a student too afraid to realize that I’ve chosen the wrong route, so I never look back.Who am I? In this pretentious world, I am just another person living behind his own walls. In this magnificently big world, I am just a grain of sand. In this ever changing world, I am just an ordinary twenty two year old in search of his own identity. In this world of gains and loses, I am just another regular player. In this world of kill or be killed, I am just trying to stay afloat. In this superficial world, I am just trying to figure out what’s real. In this artificial world, I am just looking for the one with flesh and bone.Who am I?I am a person who leaves my bed unmade in the morning, but hates it when the living room is too messy. I am a guy who takes in two thousand calories a day, and still weigh a hundred and twenty pounds. I am a self proclaimed “King of Procrastination”, and yet I do my taxes as early as possible. I am a person who knows what I want and what I need, but have absolutely no idea how to get them. I am a guy who thinks too much for my own good, but I am just too anal-retentive to stop. I am a person who can’t stand being around feminine homosexuals, and yet I sleep with five pillows. I am a guy who tells people to live outside the box, but I don’t know how to get rid of my own walls. Who am I?I am a filial son, a loving brother, a caring friend, a trustworthy confidant, a reliable sounding board, an easy going person, a fun roommate, a television junkie, a respective young man, an inconsiderate pedestrian, a careless driver, a good guy, an obsessive procrastinator, a gullible kid, a mature young adult, an obnoxious drunk, a champion sleeper, a strategic thinker, an emotional being, a sometimes hypocrite and a part-time neat freak. Who am I?Walking down this path that I’ve chosen, I am still trying to figure that out myself.
I just realized that I look absolutely fanta-bulous with nothing but a pair of jeans on.Really.I stared at myself in the mirror for at least 2 minutes, admiring my shoulder, my pecs, my abs, my ass and my gorgeous face.If I weren't so busy I'd date myself.
Yet another lovely night.
You came home after spending 3.5 hours in the computer lab trying to figure out how to use the stupidest "most powerful" math program to solve a problem. It's 9.30 pm. You're already tired. You called your mom at school (she's a principal), and for some idiotic reasons, she decided to talk to you in the cafeteria amongst 200,000 screaming kids. "What? Oh that. Yeah I know. What? Huh? What did you say?! I can't hear you! Uh huh, uh huh. What?!" Why did you even bother to return her call? Then your idiotic friend called. "Hi Snakehead. I was wondering if you're graph is right? You sure? Have you double checked it? Is that what other people got too? Who else did you double check with? What did that other girl got? And she got everything exactly the same as yours? Can you go ask the TA tomorrow if your graph looks right? They're allowed to tell you that. Yeah you should ask him just to make sure." Why did you even bother to send her the results? Then you called a friend who just recently broke up with his girlfriend, he's not there. Then you saw him online, and he's acting like a mother fucking asshole. Why did you even bother to see how he's doing? Then you went into the kitchen. Plates in the sink, liqours on the counter, everything is everywhere. Roommate's friends are here visiting. You don't even have the space to make dinner. What a lovely evening, isn't it?
You know how some evening after you woke up from a nap, walked to the local mexican place and had a burrito by yourself, and while you're sitting there, looking out the window, and out of the blue you really felt like crying.You're so tired.And then you woke up from your reverie and realize that the mexican place, is closed.
This is one of those evenings.
Cartman is sick, so no Happy Labor Day wishes today.
I'm currently engulfed in The Great Shower Curtain Cold War Of 2005. My nemesis is my roommate, hereonafter will be known as Hairy Larrie. It's a cold war because we don't talk about it. I've lost tracked of how long this war has been going on, but I distinctively remember it all started when I installed the new shower curtain, perhaps a few months ago.Ever since the new shower curtain has been put up, Hairy Larrie has a problem with it. I'm not exactly sure if he has problem with the curtain or the bath tub. But every single fucking time he goes into the bathroom, whether to take a piss, or trim his pubes, or drop the kids off at the pool, or sing (he only sings in the bathroom), he will pull the shower curtain shut, like this:Exhibit A.And I hate it. I think I've seen Psycho one too many times, and not being able to see what's behind the curtain just bugs the hell out of me. I kept feeling like there's somebody behind it with a butcher knife waiting to stab the next guy taking a piss. I just DON'T like it. So I always push it open, like this:Exhibit B.Now, isn't that much better? I mean, look how sunny it is! But no, Hairy Larrie doesn't think so. I'm considering taking the curtain down permanently. That way, The Great Cold War will come to an end, and I can 'accidentally' walk in on any one of my roommates taking showers. Killing two birds with one stone, now that's just brilliant!!Or if you have a better solution, please let me know. I'm this close to enlisting our neighbors' help.This camera I'm using is awesome. It makes all sorts of noise whenever you push a button. So I ended up playing with it a little longer and took a few more pictures.See how clean it is? No piss behind/around the toilet whatsoever. And there's 3 guys living here. I'm proud to say that all of us are good aimer. Obviously we are very in touch with our weapons. Maybe one day we should have a contest and see whose cum shot can hit the bulls eye. By bulls eye I mean my mouth.Hahahaha... It's funny 'cause it'll never happen. Except in my fantasy. Hehehe...See this?Let me hear you say, this shit is bananasB-A-N-A-N-A-Sthis shit is bananasB-A-N-A-N-A-SAgain, this shit is bananasB-A-N-A-N-A-SThis shit is bananasB-A-N-A-N-A-S!I bet before this picture you didn't know that bananas are good friends with garlic and lime, did you?Next I want to introduce you to my two best-est friends in the whole wide world.The 3 of us, we go way back. Way way back. Whenever the time is right, they'll magically appear out of nowhere and we'll all get high together. And baby, the times are always right. I don't think I can live without them. These guys, they are family. FAMILY. I'll kill for them.Alas, all good things must come to an end. At least temporarily. I started spending a lot of time hanging out with my new best friend ever since school started.His name is Hookah. Hookah and I are bonding very quickly. He's a nice guy. He bubbles and tastes like cherry and orange. I love him. Although not as much as I love the other 2 guys, because nothing can replace them, I still love him very much. And I think he loves me too, because some nights, he magically appears right next to me on my bed. I mean, if that's not love then I don't know what is.By the way, the preliminary results of my previous poll are in. It looks like style #3 is in the lead by a mile. But the poll is not over yet, so go vote for your favorite right now!
I need your precious opinions if you have the time.
I saw the most unique pubic hair style at the locker room today,and it inspired me to style my own either this way,or this way.Which one do you like most? The style that gets the most votes will determind what my pubes look like!! Please bear in mind that if you decided to vote for style #3, I will be standing in the bathroom staring at my pubes for a long long time and will most probably get dizzy and pass out. So please vote responsibly.
Let's hug it out, bitch!
First week of school and I'm already miserable.4 assignments in 4 different classes for the 1st week of school is just a little too fucking much, don't you think?To top it off, none of my roommates has ANY homework. The one in optometry school flew to Colorado to see his girlfriend on Friday. The one majoring in Psychology has not lifted a fucking pen since school started.Fuck me, please.One day, I'm gonna burn the entire fucking school down. Then I'm gonna point at the ashes and laugh my ass off.Fuck!Don't expect too much posts from me for the next 4 months. Might as well, since I've already lost most of my readers anyway. The ones that still stick around, you know who you are, I know who you are, thank you very much for doing so.
I'm totally cheatin' dude.
I was doing some house cleaning on all the documents I have on my computer, and I came across this silly little thing I wrote for craigslist not too long ago. I decided to share it since I don't have anything better to write. So, sit back, relax, grab a handful of popcorn, and enjoy.Lights dimmed.Curtains rolled.Ssshhh...Ready?Here it goes.It’s hard looking to settle down with the ONE guy that’s right for you in this superficial and artificial city, so I’ve decided to stop looking for that ONE guy. Instead, I’m looking for a part-time boyfriend. Yupe. That’s right. It’s part-time. Hey, everything sounds better when it’s part-time, right? So why not this? And if we really dig each other, or if you started sleeping around with other people, then we can talk about the possibility of you graduating from part-time to full-time boyfriend. Sounds good? Yes? Keep reading then. No? Well, keep reading as well because I’m witty and I’m going to write something funny. Who know, at the end of this posting you might want to email me something like “Holy shit dude, that’s the funniest shit I’ve seen in minutes dude!”, or something like “You must have too much free time, don’t you? If you’re that free, why don’t you go outside and save a kitten or plant a tree or ask random people if they want their nipples twisted for a fee, dumb ass!” or even something like “Hello, I know you’re gay and not interested in women, but give me one chance and I will rock your world! I have breasts the size of papaya, ass the size of honey dew, lips the size of bananas and I love eating fruits!”
So how this works? Follow me here.
We will have sex. But before we do, we have a whole shitload of things to do. First we’re gonna have to have dinner. Maybe coffee the first time, and then dinner the second time. By the end of the dinner, you will have to have impressed me with your sense of humor, or you maturity, or your smile, or your way of thinking, or your piercing blue/green/grey/red/purple/black/it-changes-colors-according-to-how-constipated-you-are eyes, or your hot hot body, or your feeling of security, or your sexy lips, or your wit, or your passion for something other than politics and religions, or your weirdness, or your hair, or the way you make me feel, or your good looks etc etc.
There WILL be spooning afterwards. No spooning, no sex. Period. And no snoring please. Otherwise I’ll squeeze your balls and pull your pubes until you stop. I do grind my teeth in my sleep, so you can grind your teeth as well.
Since you’ll be spooning me, you’re so very welcomed to spend the night. I’ll set my alarm so that we can have another orgasm before I have to go to school or before you have to go to work/school/back to your wife. I’m just kidding. No married man please.
Now that we’ve had the most important thing covered, let’s move on to something else.
I am very busy with school. So I will not have much free time to do what a full-time boyfriend should do during school. Things like cook for you, water your lawn, talk on the phone about nothing for hours will be very scarce. We don’t even have to do things together all the time. I do always have time to shower together to save water, or call you every night before I go to bed to kiss you good night, or remind you to pick up your dry cleaning and call your mother, or make you feel like you’re the biggest man in the world, or listen to you when you’re upset, or be there for you if you needed me. Above all else, I always have time to get drunk and get high, even on school night. In other words, I’ll be there for you if you need/want me to, and I hope you can reciprocate that.
Now, if after sometime we still dig each other, or if you started sleeping with other guys and I started feeling jealous about it, then we’ll sit down face to face, in an office, on each side of the table and discuss the option of promoting you to full-time boyfriend. We will discuss the raise, something like from 1 dinner, 4 blow jobs and 4 anal sex to 2 dinner, including 1 homemade meal (my fried chicken kick ass! seriously), 1 movie, 1 walking around holding hands, 2 going to the bars, unlimited blow jobs and unlimited anal sex. I’ll even throw in doing your laundry and walk your dog if I have to.
Sounds good? Shoot me an email then. I promise you I’m not fat, not a convict, not a killer, not a sociopath, not a woman, not tall, not stupid, not insensitive, not dull, not evil (maybe sometimes), not sloppy, not crazy, not a slut, not fake, not ugly and not an alien waiting to kidnap you and sodomize you.
Did I mention I love guys with stubbles/five o’clock shadows?
I bet you're dying to know if I met anybody from this post, aren't you? Okay, maybe not dying, but extremely curious.