Sunday, May 22, 2005

I'm so totally going to be a great dad in the future.

Today, I

- had to pee so bad my bladder is going to explode it’s not even funny. I was literally dripping.
- realized that I have “no killer instinct”, hence making me a man-bitch.
- had a serene moment.

So my friend’s girlfriend’s friend’s boyfriend bought a new boat, and I got to go on a boat trip. Actually I do kinda know the boat owner, so it’s not like I’m just hitching a free ride, you know. Although that was pretty much what I did. Towards the end, while we’re waiting to dock, I had to pee… really really had to pee. But the thing is, there were at least 8 boats ahead of us. Shit. I don’t want to take care of the business in the lake because I was dry, and I wanted to stay dry. When it was FINALLY our turn to dock, my bladder is SO full, I swear I can actually taste pee in my mouth.

After peeing for at least 2 minutes 16 seconds (I passed out at that point due to dehydration from eliminating too much water from my body), I thought I could make myself useful by helping. Help who? Help where? Help how? I don’t know. So I ended up just walking up and down the dock, yelling something whenever appropriate (whenever someone else was yelling). I told this friend that I feel useless, he told me I have “no killer instinct”, he is probably right. I have never killed anybody. I shall start soon.

On the drive back from the lake, drunken friend and his drunken girlfriend (everybody was either tired or drunk at the end of the day. I unfortunately was not drunk. Hence the driving) was falling asleep in the backseat. The stereo wasn’t on because it got stolen 2 years ago. It was quiet. Peaceful. At that moment, I felt like I was a mother, on the way home after picking up my two kids at their weekend camp or whatever. Feeling tired, yet contented. Tired because I’ve been having sex the whole weekend while the kids are gone, contented because I have 2 lovely kids snoring in the backseat.

Then one of their cell phones went off.

I turned into the designated driver once again, and my lovely kids turned back into a couple of drunken alcoholics.