Friday, July 29, 2005

What?! What did you just say? I can't hear you! You gotta speak up!

Sorry. What were you saying?

It's all my brand spanking new iPod mini's fault. It's TOO FREAKIN' LOUD!!!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have just acquired a brand new silver iPod mini. I know, I know, it's not a novelty anymore, but at least I am now considered hip enough to hang out with those hip folks at Starbucks, Ikea, Kabbalah center and Mr. Cruise's "You're GLIB" Scientology clinic that sells every single kind of vitamins imaginable.


No problem. Here, take these vitamin CON, vitamin STI, vitamin PA, and vitamin TED three times a day, each time right before you eat Lay's potato chips. These vitamins along with the "baked, not fried" and the "betcha can't eat just one, bitch" goodness of the chips will react chemically with your constipated poop and turn them into farts. Just let out a good long fart for about 44.6 seconds after that, and you will be good again.

See, I'm a poor college student. I live in a cardboard box under the London Bridge. I'm actually thinking of moving 'cause people keep telling me that London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. I can't afford underwears besides g-strings, and I eat spaghetti pasta with ketchup twice a day, everyday. Sometimes when I save up, I'll be able to toss some garlic and olive oils in it.

That's why acquiring an iPod mini is so big to me. You have no idea how much pain I went through just to save up for this baby. For the last couple weeks, instead of eating ketchup spaghetti pasta, I have been ordering take outs. Do you know what that's like? You say you do but I know you don't.

Truth is, as you might or might not have known, I recently sold my car. And since I just paid for my car insurance, I'm getting a refund enough to cover the iPod. I figured I should at least compensate myself with something worthwhile now that I'm carless.

Speaking of carless, it's been 23 days now and I still have not bitched about it. Wow. That's impressive! I think I'm gonna reward myself with a handjob or two tonight. Ooooo... I can't wait!

I went swimming today for the 1st time since Tuesday, and I broke my own personal record. I swam non-stop for 22 laps. That's like 1100m, people! How many miles is that? I know that by the time lap 22 was over, I was pretty sure I've swam from here all the way to
Digitalicat's neighborhood.

I have another impressive record today. Today is the daily-double day, according to Alex Trebek. Everything is twice as big, twice as impressive and twice as high today.

So, what's so impressive?

I'll tell you now.

I continously hiccupped for 2133 times today.

Started when I had really superbly greasy chinese food for lunch. Lunch ended at 11.40am, hiccups started at 11.41am. I timed it and found out that each hic (each cup?) is 9 seconds apart. And the first time I noticed they were gone was at 5pm, while I was at the pool. So (320 x 60) seconds/9 seconds = 2133.

Impressive, isn't it?

Told ya.

By the way, does anybody know how to use Matlab or Mathematica or Mathcad or anything resembling these programs? I have a bunch of data and I need to fit them into an equation. If you know how to do that, can you help? I'll offer a blowjob in return.