Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Home is sweet. Locker room is not.

Home sweet home.


Ahh... I love my little 'home'. I miss everything about it. I miss the street, the house, the staircase leading up to the house, the mailbox, the trash cans, the huge tree, my room, my pillows (all 5 of them), my bed, my computer, my sweet yet annoying roommate, the cool breeze, the shower head, the bath tub, etc etc... The list goes on and on.

I don't know if I've been gone from this hippie town for too long, or that people have gotten progressively weirder by the minutes, but today at the gym, in the locker room, at the shower stalls, some guy in a speedo was standing under the shower.... brushing his teeth. That was weird. But I shook it off. I then proceed to take a quick shower, and as I was toweling off, the teeth brushing guy was still there. Only thing is, he wasn't brushing his teeth anymore. Instead, he was flossing. He was fucking flossing in the middle of the shower! Maybe during the 3 days that I was gone, these have became the IN thing to do. In the shower. A public shower. I didn't stay any longer because I don't think I can handle it if he pulls out a detergent and started doing his laundry right there in the shower.

Speaking of locker room. I saw something today that would shatter the age old myth. The myth that all black guys have HUGE dicks. That, my friend, is bullshit. I saw a black dick so small, it's shorter than the pubic hair around it. At first glance, you can't even see anything but the bush. I literally had to search for it in the black forest. Not that I stared at this gentleman's crotch for an extended period of time looking for his weenie, you know. It's just that given my experience and expertise, I have a pretty good idea what those sausages look like. All I need is a half second glance, and then I was like "There you are! You sneaky little bastard! You can run but you can't hide!" But... maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps when that gentleman gets excited, his tiny sausage will turn into a giant bratwurst.

Speaking of shower, I saw something else at the shower stalls today. A man old enough to be grandpa was checking out a 20+ year old guy showering next to him. Mr. Grandpa, that is just WRONG. Please don't do that again. You just showed me what Michael Jackson is like in 30 years. Except you have a much much much better looking nose.

It may sound like I spent the entire day at the locker room, but I didn't. All this happened during the 10 minutes I was actually there. I swear.