Friday, July 01, 2005

The verdict is in.

I went to the bathroom to take a piss 30 seconds ago, and guess what I found there.

I'll give you a hint: it belongs to a woman.

I'll give you another hint: it belongs to a non-pregnant woman.

I'll give you one more hint: it belongs to a non-pregnant woman who's currently hemophilic.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there is a Carefree pad sitting on the edge of the sink. Well, not exactly the pad, but more like the wrapper. So, yes, some girl just changed a pad in my bathroom. My fucking bathroom. A fucking pad.

If you live with non-pregnant women and/or hemophilia, then this is not a big deal to you. But check this out. There are 5 guys living in this house. 5 guys. None of us bleed. Well, of course we do, but just not from our genitals. So where the fuck did that pad (hereonafter will be known as exhibit-A) come from?

I have 3 suspects.

Suspect #1: my roommate's girlfriend who just got here like 30 minutes ago.


- She's a girl.
- I'm not sure, but I think she has a pussy. Hang on, lemme go double check............. Yupe, I was right. Pussy? Check.
- Said pussy could be bleeding, volcano eruption-style. Perhaps even rival Mt. St. Helena.

- She didn't use the bathroom, yet. I know this because there's a touch pad on the bathroom door that scans palms for identification whenever someone wants to use the bathroom. Then the palm image is sent to my computer for fortune telling purposes. And so far, I couldn't find her in today's list of bathroom occupants.

Suspect #2: a girl who came over to check the place out*.

- Ding, ding, ding, ding! She's a gimme a G. Gimme an I. Gimme an R. Gimme an L. Got it?
- I think she has a pussy too. But it's too late to check now, 'cause the sun is setting. I can only check for existance of pussy when the sun is up because I need plenty of sunlight in that dark and humid place.
- Like I said earlier, this could be that time of the month.
- But the biggest evident of all, the mother of all evidences, is that she used the bathroom while she was here.

- None.
- Okay, there's still a tiny possibility it wasn't her. Press your thumb and index finger together. See that gap there? Yeah, that tiny.

Suspect #3: the bleeding ghost.

- Unknown.

- Unknown.

THE VERDICT: a unanimous that-girl-who-came-over-to-check-the-place-out.

Bitch! Don't think I'll ever let you move in here, you dirty nasty biaaaaatch!


I just went to the bathroom again, and exhibit-A is gone! Roommate's girlfriend is still here. Do you smell something fishy? Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? Yupe, he's grilling halibuts.

Damn it!

Who knew being a detective can be so tiring.

I need to eat dinner now.

Investigation might or might not continue later as exhibit-A is M.I.A.

* I'm renting out two rooms. Anybody looking for a room to rent in this part of the town? We have a kick ass palm scanner on the bathroom door, and I tell fortune better than fortune cookies. Any takers?