Season 2, episode 2, volume 2, issue #2.

I have a moment today.

An "oops I did it again. I played with your heart, got lost in the game. Oh baby baby...."

Sorry. I get carried away sometimes.

This is by no means that I aka The Snakehead aka (my real name) aka Dude aka Hey aka psycho endorse that slutty and used-to-be-kinda-cute-but-not-really Mrs. Federline's singing inability. For all I care, she could be making lala with that other dumb-blonde-turned-dumb-brunette in the kitchen on the floor, and they both still quack like ducks who's about to lay a shitload of eggs. Do ducks quack before laying eggs? Or is it just these two?

So, anyway...

I did have an "oops I did it again" moment today, ironically, in my kitchen. But not the floor. 'Cause they both take up a lot of room to lala. Crazy bitches.

I was making dinner. Again. I swear, I can cook. I CAN COOK! COOK CAN I!

Tonight it's linguine with beef bratwursts and broccoli and pasta sauce. No slicing or wiping required this time. Simple. Yes?

Uhh.....

While I was draining the linguine in a huge pot (it's so big, I think they used to boil an entire hippo at one go back in the days), and I'm wearing glasses. You'll need this information in just a minute.

So the pot is tilted, water's coming out, steam's coming UP, all the way up in my face. In less than 0.5 seconds, my vision is blurred. I can't see a thing, but I can still feel the water flowing. So I keep tilting and tilting and then, bam! One of the bratwurst is out in the sink. (Yes, I boiled linguine and bratwursts in one pot. Yes, I'm lazy. Yes, I can cook. Shut up!)

"F-U-C-K!!"

For some unknown reasons that's still under investigation by the CIA, FBI and my mother, I decided to pick it up using hand, because there is not enough time to grab a fork. I am a true believer of the 3 seconds rule, regardless of the location.

Do you know that boiled bratwurst are like, really really hot? Like burning hot? Well, I don't. So all of a sudden, a bratwurst can be seen flying across the kitchen, hit the wall, and landed on where those two psycho bitches are making lala on the floor, and more profanities can be heard.

Long story short, one less bratwurst for me. Because I'm not going to eat anything that touched lala. Whatever the hell that might be.

Ladies and gentlemen, I swear to you, I really can cook.

Please believe me.

In other news, I have a midterm coming up this Friday, and I have about 300 more pages to read. I got ANOTHER ticket today. They know that I'm about to get rid of my car, so they're all coming for one last visit. Aren't they sweet? It's two and counting.

I was wondering if you think this is weird.

I live with 4 other guys. 4 other straight guys, I'm the only gay one. And in the bathroom, we have 5 shower puffs, 9 toothbrushes and 6 tubes of toothpastes. Looks like some of us have more than one mouth. It's definitely not me.