Brad Pitt sent me an email.

SUCKASS BITCHES!!!!!!!!

It goes something like this:


Dear Snakehead (Friend),

Every single day, I think about you (30000 children die from the effect of extreme poverty) and I think I'm falling for you (it almost never makes the news).

I visited Carribean (Africa) last month with my own personal video camera (Diane Sawyer) to record a sexy sex tape for you (a Primetime Live Special). This tape (show) is not only about my hot sizzling body (the emergency in Africa), but also about my incredible good look (successful projects that are saving people's lives) and my huge dick (building new hopes in entire community).

Yesterday, my heart (the ONE campaign) asked me (all of us) to do something really naughty (something that will make a real difference): a strip tease video (sign a letter to President Bush*). This video (letter) features me slowly stripping down to a silk boxer (ask President Bush** to support three bold commitments at the G8 summit of world leaders.)

Last week I sent you some nude pics of me (signed the letter), and since yesterday I took a bunch more (thousands of you have too). These pictures and videos (This ONE campaign) has a goal to give you a preview of what you're gonna get from me (to get a millions signatures by the upcoming G8 summit).

Until then, please treasure these pictures and videos as much as I treasure you (please sign the letter to President Bush).

Love you and miss you (Thanks),

Brad Pitt.


Tell me, how can I not love him?

* Yeah right! Like he's EVER going to do anything. What with him being sexually deprived and all.

** Maybe they should ask him to have more sex first, THEN do whatever it is he pleases***.

*** Well, maybe not everything he pleases. Otherwise I'm gonna have to quit school, sell all my stuff and live in a cave WITHOUT INTERNET! Holy shit. Can you imagine life without internet?