The Exposed Diary of an Extinct Snakehead: Yo' ass know what I'm sayin', dogg?

I wuz surfing da web earlier (fine, know what I'm sayin'? I wuz looking at porn n' shit. Can't help that shiznit), 'n fo' some reason, this Snoop Dogg Shizzolator website came up as one of da results to.... nevermind. Yo' ass don't need know, know what I'm sayin'? But I think Tha G-double-O-G-L-E might be broken." Anyway, da following is shizzolated into da Snoop-approved language, know what I'm sayin'? Now if yo' ass'll excuse me, I has go look fo' my ass. 'Cause I laughed that shiznit off just now. Yo' know, like laughed my ass off, know what I'm sayin'? Yo' ass didn't get that shiznit, did yo'? Nevermind. My jokes suck, know what I'm sayin'? I has stop thinking that I'm funny, know what I'm sayin'?

Have yo' ass seen Mononoke-Hime? I seen that last night, know what I'm sayin'? One word: fan-fucking-tastic n' shit. What 'bout Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi? No? Yo' ass has absolutely no idea what yo' ass're missing out on." I can write a 20 pages paper telling yo' ass how bomb diggity these movies 'n Hayao Miyazaki are." But until yo' ass've seen 'em, yo' ass won't be afiable appreciate 'em n' shit.

OK enough of that shit, know what I'm sayin'?

I was dancing in the sunlight earlier to learn how to smile, while waiting for my precious Edamames to boil. I know there's like 18 things wrong with that sentence, but I don't care. I love those 2 songs and that vegetable. See if you can identify all of them without googling. The word "googling" always cracks me up.

So I was eating my precious, when

*Knock, knock*

"Who's there?"

"Go fuck yourself."

No, that's not what happened. That's a line from a movie, which I bet you have no idea which one. First person who correctly identified everything up to this point will receive this*. Who the hell am I kidding? As if anybody is gonna read this. Except maybe ViewLulu, because she commented. Thank you!

So,

*Knock, knock*

Ahh screw it. The story is not that funny anyway. I don't need to make another dumb joke.

A friend of mine sent me this. I took the quizzes and found out that

- I DO NOT have syphilis. Whew! You have no idea how relieved I am. That's a really close call. I'm so happy I'm hugging my mother and my grandma at the same time right now. I tried to show you the picture, but the stupid link doesn't work. Too bad.

- I am OJ Simpson! Now all I need is a white Bronco, a wife named Nicole, learn how to play football, go to tanning salon everyday for the next 2 years, then my transformation will be complete.