Thursday, June 02, 2005

Stale chips, ice cream and red wine at 3 am.

Oh. My. God.

People are truly insane. It's has been confirmed by NASA (why NASA? I don't know. The have space ships and they spend billions of dollars sending a robot onto another planet just to show them pictures of ROCKS and SAND. Shocking, I know. They should've just given me the money and I'll take them to my back yard. They can look at all the sand and rocks for as long as they can look at something without getting cock-eye. Plus, they know aliens and shit, so they should know people and shit.) that the last normal and sane homo-sapien has died. 2 years ago.

Everybody you see or converse with today are in fact, crazy.

First, you have some stupid crazy dumb bitch putting a patent on some stupid crazy dumb phrase like "That's hot!"

Then, you have a stupid crazy dumb bitch-ass website putting trademark on the phrase "REAL NAME". Yes. That stupid crazy dumb bitch-ass website really did trademarked "REAL NAME". Don't believe me? Go check it out yourself. Search for a book or a movie or a shovel or a dildo or your mama's old bra from the 60's or something, then scroll down until you see the user reviews of said item. Then squint very very hard, and you will see REAL NAME™ under a presumably "real name" of another crazy homo-sapien. That's right. We can no longer type "real name" with all capital letters. Of course we can still do REAL NAmE or REaL NamE or reAL naME or Real namE or any combination of that, for a total of 40319 combinations (I know. I'm good at math. Don't be too jealous, K?), except REAL NAME, because that belongs to Amazon. Not the one in Brazil with giant ants that will eat you while you're being eaten out (pun intended. Yes, I know. I have a dirty mind), but the one who's apparently "smarter" than Google. I swear to God, people are comparing two websites. Soon they will be comparing two different toilet papers and tell you which one of them wipe your ass cleaner, and which one of them makes you feel like you're getting your salad tossed everytime you wipe. What? They are already doing that?


Alright, just come here and fuck me now.

Speaking of that stupid crazy dumb bitch, you should really check that picture out. All I'll say is, it's classic. And I love googling Google. It makes me want to google myself very very inappropriately. But after seeing that abominable classic picture, the blood leaves my junk so fast (I think I clocked it at 145 mph. I don't watch baseball. But this should beat Babe Ruth's record, right?) and hit my brain so suddenly I'm getting a head rush. Millions of my precious, intelligent, handsome, funny, smart and cute brain cells kicked the bucket as a result of that. Shit. Can I sue her and her hair and her tit? Actually her tit (no 's'. Just one tit) looks pretty not bad. Not as good or as big as the one I buried my face in, but it still look pretty decent. An infant might not mind sucking on it. So would millions and millions of stupid crazy dumb men from age 8 to 188. My roommate said, and I quote "she's not the kind of girl you take home to meet your parents. She's the kind of girl that you would fuck her really hard for that one night when you’re hard-fucking her."

All hail to the P.E.N.I.S. Because really, what’s better than that? One good fuck can cure just about anything. Headache, depression, PMS, fever, diabetes, heart attack, tourette, etc. It can even lower your cholesterol and build up your immune system so you can prevent osteoporosis.

By the way,

Stale chips - $2.99
Roommate’s ice cream – free
Roommate’s cheap ass red wine that taste like wasabi – free
Eating stale chips and (free) ice cream and drinking (free) red wine at 3 in the morning - PRICELESS