Monday, August 29, 2005

Yay, I'm a school girl again! I mean, school boy. Boy, not girl.


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* OxiClean not available anywhere. Oxi and Clean each sold separately. OxiClean may not be suitable for you if you have liver disease or pregnant. Talk to your doctor and ask if OxiClean is right for you.

I am the new spokesman for OxiClean, because it's rocking my world right now. I wore a brand spanking new white jacket to school today. And on my way back, the sleeve somehow got stuck between the wheels and as a result, it has grease all over it.

However, no fear. I ran to Walgreens and bought a small bucket of OxiClean Versatile Stain Remover, and spent the next 30 minutes sitting on my bathroom floor scrubbing like a little bitch. And now? I'm thinking of jamming that jacket between the wheels again just so I can get the stain out with the help of the almighty OxiClean Versatile Stain Remover.

School started today.

1st lecture, professor tried erasing the chalk board with the BACK OF THE ERASER. I'm serious. I was copying the notes and out of the blues I heard someone snickered, I looked up just in time for him to say,

"Can anybody tell me if this is the wrong side? Yeah? See that's why I'm a dumbass. Haha! You guys are being lectured by a dumbass! All 200 of you. And that just make you the dumber-asses. Muahahahahacoughcoughcough."

Well, he didn't exactly put it this way but I know he totally meant this.

2nd lecture, professor smiles at the end of every sentence.

"My name is Anastasia Beaverhousing (smile). I am a beaver and I built housing (smile). Today we are going to learn about Thermo, hehehe. Does anybody know what Thermodynamics mean (smile)? Thermo means heat (smile), and dynamics mean motion, hahahahahahahahacoughcoughcough."

Well, she didn't exactly put it this way but I knew she totally wanted to.

I recently adopted a cat. His name is Meow Meow. I didn't exactly adopt him. It's more like he started sleeping in my backyard without paying rent so I decided to chase him away by feeding him every morning. So now every morning, I wake up, and depending on the size of my woody and how urgent my need to jerk off is (what?! Like you don't jerk off 1st thing in the morning), I'll bring a cup of water and the cat food into my room and start having food sex with myself.


Man, it must be allergy season nowadays. People are coughing left and right.

I'm not a cat person. Never have been. I think cats are stupid. Idiotic, if you wish. I mean, what do they do? Nothing! Absolutely nothing. I mean, cats chase mice? Ask the fucker who said that to come talk to me because I have never seen that. The only thing they know how to do is lick their own balls. That, they are really good at. I mean, the way they lift their hind leg for optimum access to their balls is just pure genius. I want to learn how to do that. I need to learn how to do that.

But seriously, I've been feeding Meow Meow for about a month now, and he still won't come within 2 feet of me. He used to run away whenever he sees me, so I guess this is an improvement. But I'd like to pet him, maybe ask him why he loves his balls so much. Do cats have penis? Or do they fuck with their balls?

I ran into my ex-not-a-fuckbuddy-not-yet-a-boyfriend last Saturday at the gym. The 1st thing he said to me was, "Wow you're teeth are really white! Did you just brush your teeth today?"


I didn't. The last time I brushed my teeth was in the spring of 1984. Teeth brushing is just not my thing, you know?