Monday, August 22, 2005

When was the last time I wrote a sex post? It has been too long.

I'm getting a little horny.

So, door is closed, blinds are drawn, lube is out, porn1 is running.

Then, while I was unzipping my pants, I shifted a little bit and somehow, I magically sat on my right ball.

Yes, that's right. I sat on my own testicle.

As you can imagine, my hard on returned to soft on, and instead of jerking off, I'm sitting here howling in pain.

Fuck. My balls are huge.

This better be a blessing in disguise. What kind of blessing? I don't care. Maybe it's a sign telling me I should enter "The World's Biggest Testicle Contest".

Might as well anyway. I'm super broke from my trip to Philly.

Anybody needs any sexual favors? I give my readers extra-special rate. So extra-special, I can't even disclose it here. You gotta email me for it2.

1 Just for the record, it's a GAY porn.

2 I am in no way insinuating that I'm a hooker or a prostitute. I'm totally "stripping to pay for college".