Friday, June 10, 2005


I'm feeling a little bit depressed.

The other day
The Hot Librarian wrote about how much she misses Australia, completed with breath-taking pictures (seriously. They took my breath away. It wasn't until later when I was literally suffocating myself to death that I remember to take that breath back and continue breathing like a normal human being who is not you know, extremely stupid, like me. I’m telling you, those pictures, while beautiful, are killers. If you’re not smart enough to master the techniques of breathing, I strongly recommend that you DO NOT view those pictures), because the other OTHER day, Fitz-Hume (who I think has some anger management issues. He yells at THL’s readers pretty frequently in the comment threads. Given that THL’s readers might not be very bright, what with me being one of the readers, but still, you know? Ya don’t have to yell all the time. I'm not just talking out of my ass, I have evidents. Look at this. I would've shown you more evidents but I'm too lazy to look it up. Live with it) wrote a post about his beloved Texas.

On a totally unrelated note, do you like my parenthesis? Like the italic writing in the parenthesis? I am so smart. I did that on purpose so you know when I'm babbling and when I'm not. I'm a genius! Yeah baby! My IQ is 13.6 and I fucking rock! I SAID I FUCKING R-O-C-K!! Fuck you! Don't mess with me. I'm in a
street gang. You hear me? I'm in a GANG and me and my fag brothas will kick your ass anytime we want. And according to my street gang pledge #32, both you and I have to tear each other's clothing out, throw in a few light kisses and moans while I'm in the process of kicking your ass. So DO NOT mess with me.

On second thought, mess with me. Yeah, go ahead and mess with me. PLEASE mess with me!!

ANYWAY, I was going to say that those 2 posts made me think about my home, my family, my country. And what did I find? I'm not missing them. No. I'm not missing them. I've been away from home for almost 2.5 years now, and I've never gone home since I left on December 26th, 2002. The day after Christmas. We don't celebrate Christmas because - and I quote my dad - "We're not Christians, we don't pray to Jesus. So what's the use in celebrating Christmas?" Looking back... the last few years there have been difficult, especially after my parents separated. I remember telling myself that I have to get out of that hell hole as soon as possible and as far as possible, otherwise I might've really gone nuts.

When you leave home, you embarked on your own journey. All these journeys are never a straight road. They might seem like a straight road, but they never are. There is always a point, a U-turn somewhere down the road. That's the point when you realized that you've been away from home for too long; that's the point when you realized that you miss home; that's the point you realized that you want to go home; and that's the point where you turn around and begin your journey home. If you're lucky, home will still be there when you get back; if you're not, you might just come home to an empty house with nothing but a bag full of memories. And when you look around, you see that everything has changed. Home is gone. Forever.

It's already been 2.5 years, and I'm still on a straight road. The U-turn is nowhere in sight.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever see it.

And when I do see it, will it be too late to...... go home?