My roommate from.... Santa Barbara.

My roommate just came back from out of town.

Him: "Hey how's it going?"
Me: "Good. How's your asshole? Does it hurt?"
Him: "What?"
Me: "Well you disappeared for two days. So I assumed you got kidnapped by aliens and they probed you like they always do."
Him: "No. I went to Santa Barbara."

Then he walked away and went back to his room. Without even a chuckle or a snort. Another year with him in this house.

*sigh*

At least he pay rents on time and shares his weed and doesn't fart too much. Actually he doesn't fart at all. Weird.