I want to have a threesome before I die.

I don't care with who.

I don't care if you're a girl or a guy or a hermaphrodite. Just as long as you have a dick or a pussy or both.

I don't care if you're fat or thin, rich or poor. Just as long as you're rich and thin.

I don't care if you're a virgin or a whore, inexperienced or a slut. Just as long as we all do something that would be considered a threesome, i.e mouth touches penis, penis touches pussy, pussy touches tongue, tongue touches asshole, asshole touches penis.

I don't care if you're straight or gay or bisexual or asexual or omnisexual. Just as long as you know the actual meaning of the word "fuck", because that's what we'll be doing. Well, at least for 3 minutes.

There's another earthquake in California today. That's 3 in less than a week. I know a big one is coming, and we're all gonna die. But I at least want to have a threesome before I die, Goddamn it!

So email me. I won't be checking my email until tomorrow afternoon because I'll be out, spending my last $5000 on Hugo Boss suits and Gucci loafers. I want to look good in heaven, you know what I'm saying?