Sunday, June 19, 2005

Meet the idiot. That's me, by the way.

What's a blog for?
  • a place where you tell strangers how much tequila you drink in one night and hence, showing them how cool you are because, you know, YOU DRANK A BUNCH OF TEQUILA.
  • a place where you tell strangers about your sex life. Every single details of it, including what kind of panties you're wearing, and how his elephant testicles are hanging down to his knees, and how wet you are, and how he couldn't get it up, and how you start a fire by rubbing his dick and how you almost burn down his place.
  • a place where you bitch about life.
  • a place where you tell strangers how many hot chicks and how many skanky hoes you banged, hence showing off how cool you are because, you know, YOU HAVE A LOT OF SEX.
  • and then there's a place like this, which makes you feel good and comfy because you can literally feel the love just by reading what's on there.

So what is this blog for?

I don't know.

I do know I want to write about me today. Without the walls and the facade and the armor and the fake smile.

Snakehead: "Small Tail, I'm a horrible person."

Small Tail: "Why? What makes you say so."

Snakehead: "Because there is this guy who has feelings for me, but I don't have feelings for him, but I still hang out with him and use him to make me feel better about myself. I'm leading him on."

Small Tail: "Really?"

Snakehead: "Sometimes I feel so lonely."

Small Tail: "Why? 'Cause you feel better when you know there is someone around you, someone who likes you?"

Snakehead: "Yeah."

Small Tail: "Hmm..."

Snakehead: "I feel like no one appreciates me."

Small Tail: "But he doesn't even stand a chance?"

Snakehead: "No."

Small Tail: "Maybe you should give him one."

Snakehead: "I can't."

Small Tail: "Why? He's not your type?"

Snakehead: "He's too old for me."

Small Tail: "How old?"

Snakehead: "Too old."

Small Tail: "So what's your plan? Just to lead him on and feel guilty at the same time? It's not very nice to play with other people's feelings."

Snakehead: "I'm such a horrible person."

Small Tail: "Maybe you should let him know he stand no chance."

Snakehead: "Then what do I do when i feel lonely? I'm very selfish, aren't I?"

Small Tail: "Yeah you can't be so selfish, just lead him on 'cause you're lonely."

Snakehead: "I met this one guy who seems perfect, and he likes me, and he thinks I'm cute. Perfect, right? No. He just graduated and now he wants to 'put his career first', so he's not gonna date for a while. I'm telling you, I'll end up alone when I'm 60."

Small Tail: "No, you'll find someone eventually, when you least expect him to appear, when the time is correct, when the fate arrives. All these unhappy experiences happening now is just leading you and make you learn so that you'll appreciate the right person at the right time."

(There's more to the conversation, but I have to stop here. I can't write anymore. Know what they say about writing your feelings down and it'll make you feel better? Well, that feeling is all gone and I feel like a complete jackass drama queen now. Which is why I have to stop. Otherwise I'm gonna have to grab a ladle and bitch slap myself until I look like a monkey's red ass.

Small Tail is a real person. She's not my imaginary friend. My imaginary friend is Tonto Goldstein. He's half Jewish and half Native American. He is good at pinching pennies and my nipples. I will never let Small Tail pinch my nipples. Except when I drink a bunch of tequila in one night. I know. I'm cool.)