Thursday, June 16, 2005

You may not believe it, but I don't believe in miracles anymore.

Did you know that people are like, so stupid someone should stick a rusty nail into their eye sockets? I'm not kidding. Look.

Skarbakka, 34, said he started thinking about falling after watching on television as workers jumped to their deaths from the twin towers on Sept. 11, 2001.

"I was so distraught, I needed some way to find an artistic response," he told the Chicago Sun-Times. Now, he says he sees falling as a metaphor for life.
Wait. There's more.

"It was fabulous," said Darlene Schuff, 56. "I just wanted to be a part of it. It's a happening."

What the fuck is artistic about people jumping from the twin towers with a tiny hope that they might actually survive? What the fuck is happening about people jumping from the 70th floor just so they won't know what it's like to be crushed by a building? Can somebody in Chicago please find these two fuckers and stick 15 pineapples up his ass and her cunt for me, please?

Fucking ay.

Did you also know that disabled people don't need to pay for parking? I just found that out today while I was walking to my car. People, this is a total discrimination against normal, healthy, good looking people like me. What, just because they broke their toes or their pinky then they don't have to pay for parking? Ridi-fucking-culous. Tomorrow, since I'm not working, I'll be jumping from my bed to the floor, Titanic-style. Except this time, it's REALLY "You jump, I jump, Jack." Now I need to find a boy named Jack who will jump with me. Anybody know where I can get one at this time of night?

After succesfully breaking my middle finger, I will go see my pottery-making friend and get a cast for my arm, from the middle finger all the way to the shoulder, and neck if necessary, followed by bandages all over, The Mummy Returns-style. They I'll haul my ass to DMV, wait there for 2 days and get my disabled parking permit.

Haha! Total foolproof plan. Suckass, bitches!

OK, next on the agenda de blog.

Guess what I found in my lab today.

Come on, just guess.

Guess! I said guess!

Oh you know what? Let's play Pictionary! Brought to you by The Snakehead with the aid of Paint. This special feature is inspired by the multi-talented THL.
*Disclaimer: No purchase necessary. Each picture is sold separately. Neither The Snakehead nor THL is responsible for misuse of these pictures.*

Ready? Go!

2 words.

First word:
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No! That's not the ginger bread man. I would've drawn the white buttons. Besides, why would I find ginger bread man in my lab. Focus people, focus!

What? E.T.? E.T. my ass! That's NOT E.T.! It's a fucking baby, for Christ sake! See the white razor shaped chipped tooth sticking out of his mouth? See how he only has 5 hairs? See how he has no fingers on one hand, and a talon on the other hand? See how he has no toes? I don't know why. Don't ask. But for a baby, he does have a big dick. So he'll turn out just fine. Don't worry about him.

OK, so the first word is "baby".

Second word, this should be easy:
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Yes, you're right! It's a diaper! Woohoo!!

And the word we're looking for is........ Baby Diaper!! Ta da!!!!!!!

Yes, I found a baby diaper in my lab today. I have absolutely no idea what it's for. Maybe some of the people just can't leave their stations, not even to drop their kids off at the pool. So they just drop it like it's hot in a baby diaper. This person must have a tiny ass to be able to fit into that diaper.

Note to self: Look for tiny ass around the lab first thing Monday morning. Then stay the hell away from them for eternity.