Monday, June 13, 2005

I think I might be like, you know, secretly straight or something.

This worries me alot. Like last night, I was up all night in my dreams thinking about it. It might looked like I passed out in the bathroom covered in floor mat, but looks can be deceiving, especially this one.

It all started a couple months ago, when my friend Bullshiter threw a party and invited the whole town. So naturally, being the sex pervert that he is, there were some girls with HUGE titis. Like that kind of titis perfect for tits-fucking. Did I just say that? Shit. My hetero side is such a flamer.

I should point out that before this party, I was a very innocence little gay boy. Never kissed a girl, never touched any breasts, girls' or bitches', never been touched by a girl. That night changes everything. In fact, ever since then, there have been rumors going around saying that I'm just pretending to be gay so that I can get some actions.

I don't really think it's my fault at all, seeing that I'm usually the only gay guy around a bunch of straight people. Obviously I can't hit on the macho, testesterone pumping straight guys in front of their other "straight" friends, so I had to settle with making out with the girls. Boy did I do just that. I think I kissed every girl at that party, buried my face in a pair of 34Ds, basically hitting the 2nd base more times than I can remember. Bullshiter's girlfriend actually touched me (I wonder what she thinks of my package), while we were in the bathroom, along with 2 other girls. I think they were peeing. I don't remember.

Ever since that night, I have a new found fascination with big ass titis. And I started watching more and more straight porn. In fact, I now know which porn star I should be looking for. Like Cytherea. Man, that girl ejaculates like there is no tomorrow. I mean, seriously. It's like she's putting out fire or something. You can probably water your lawn with the amount of cum she squirts out. Just take her to your backyard, stick your dick in and start thrusting, and in about 3 minutes, pull out, and swing her from side to side to make sure that you covered every dry spot in the vicinity. Then take her to another corner and repeat. Boy can she squirts. And she does it over and over again. I wonder if she get dehydrated each time after having sex.

And then last night, I actually sexually harrassed Bullshiter's girlfriend. Her titis are soft, like water balloons. They are quite nice to play with, actually. Then again, all natural titis feel like that, I think. I don't know what fake titis feel like. Yet.

Incidently, a lesbian friend of mine told me today that one of the reasons she broke up with her ex was because "her nipples are too big". WTF? Now I can't stop thinking about her big ass nipples.


I need help. I need counseling or something. Is there any counseling services for secretly straight people who don't wish to be straight? I would prefer it to be free because I'm a cheap bastard. Maybe I should start with the local GLBT center.