Yay, I'm a school girl again! I mean, school boy. Boy, not girl.

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I am the new spokesman for OxiClean, because it's rocking my world right now. I wore a brand spanking new white jacket to school today. And on my way back, the sleeve somehow got stuck between the wheels and as a result, it has grease all over it.

However, no fear. I ran to Walgreens and bought a small bucket of OxiClean Versatile Stain Remover, and spent the next 30 minutes sitting on my bathroom floor scrubbing like a little bitch. And now? I'm thinking of jamming that jacket between the wheels again just so I can get the stain out with the help of the almighty OxiClean Versatile Stain Remover.

School started today.

1st lecture, professor tried erasing the chalk board with the BACK OF THE ERASER. I'm serious. I was copying the notes and out of the blues I heard someone snickered, I looked up just in time for him to say,

"Can anybody tell me if this is the wrong side? Yeah? See that's why I'm a dumbass. Haha! You guys are being lectured by a dumbass! All 200 of you. And that just make you the dumber-asses. Muahahahahacoughcoughcough."

Well, he didn't exactly put it this way but I know he totally meant this.

2nd lecture, professor smiles at the end of every sentence.

"My name is Anastasia Beaverhousing (smile). I am a beaver and I built housing (smile). Today we are going to learn about Thermo, hehehe. Does anybody know what Thermodynamics mean (smile)? Thermo means heat (smile), and dynamics mean motion, hahahahahahahahacoughcoughcough."

Well, she didn't exactly put it this way but I knew she totally wanted to.

I recently adopted a cat. His name is Meow Meow. I didn't exactly adopt him. It's more like he started sleeping in my backyard without paying rent so I decided to chase him away by feeding him every morning. So now every morning, I wake up, and depending on the size of my woody and how urgent my need to jerk off is (what?! Like you don't jerk off 1st thing in the morning), I'll bring a cup of water and the cat food into my room and start having food sex with myself.

Hahahhahahahacoughcoughcough.

Man, it must be allergy season nowadays. People are coughing left and right.

I'm not a cat person. Never have been. I think cats are stupid. Idiotic, if you wish. I mean, what do they do? Nothing! Absolutely nothing. I mean, cats chase mice? Ask the fucker who said that to come talk to me because I have never seen that. The only thing they know how to do is lick their own balls. That, they are really good at. I mean, the way they lift their hind leg for optimum access to their balls is just pure genius. I want to learn how to do that. I need to learn how to do that.

But seriously, I've been feeding Meow Meow for about a month now, and he still won't come within 2 feet of me. He used to run away whenever he sees me, so I guess this is an improvement. But I'd like to pet him, maybe ask him why he loves his balls so much. Do cats have penis? Or do they fuck with their balls?

I ran into my ex-not-a-fuckbuddy-not-yet-a-boyfriend last Saturday at the gym. The 1st thing he said to me was, "Wow you're teeth are really white! Did you just brush your teeth today?"

Errr......

I didn't. The last time I brushed my teeth was in the spring of 1984. Teeth brushing is just not my thing, you know?

New.

You know how some morning, you woke up, looked at your morning woody and smiled.

Things are going to be all right.


This is one of those morning.

Notes to self.

Note #1: next time, let your friend hold the bottle of tequila to prevent yourself from taking shots in the middle of the street.

Note #2: next time, when you arrive at the party already buzzed, pace yourself on the ridiculously good punch with bananas in it, especially when there are cute and obviously gay guys around that you wanted to talk to.

Note #3: next time, comb your hair before going to a party to prevent looking like a tweety bird.



And then you come home wondering why you're sleeping alone.



Am I subconciously having too much fun as being single, but conciously I'm suppressing myself from actually enjoying being single?

Sober and unkissed.

Lethargic is a bad thing.

He's sitting there, watching the time goes by; staring at a pile of articles, hoping they would read themselves; thinking about the report, wishing they would write themselves.

Lethargic is a bad thing.

He doesn't even know what to do with his time.

Sometimes, he wonder if he needs therapy. In some way, he thinks he is all messed up. But then he realizes that he is just thinking too much.

Right?

He justified it with the reasons that sometimes, he stared at the keyboard, wanting to write something gut-wrenching, but he draws no inspiration. His life, up to this point, has been blessed. He knows it. He treasures it. He knows himself well. He knows what he has, what he needs and what he wants.

What he wants is a relationship. What he needs is not to have a relationship. He knows himself well like that. His past experience in his life tells him that he is not ready. At all. He would rather watch Gilmore Girls than talk to his boyfriend on the phone. He is too selfish to share his life. He hates it when things don't go his way. His response to his boyfriend's "I love you" was "are you serious?"

I love you.

Are you serious?

Oh just shut the fuck up.

Sometimes he thinks he thinks too much, too afraid to take any chances, overanalyzing things. He can't help it, for he is the anal-est person to ever sit on his own balls. But he also once went on 5 days without showering. His hair was so greasy then he actually scrambled an egg with the grease. It wasn't tasty.

At the end of the day, he knows that all that are just excuses, excuses, excuses. Yet he is not motivated to do a damn thing.

Lethargic is a bad thing.

The other night he watched the series finale of Six Feet Under. In the commentary afterwards, someone said, "they are afraid to love because they crave love so much."

He ponders that sentence for a long time. He is frightened that he would turn into one of "they", yet he doesn't know what to do. He is still too young and too naive to figure that out.

Sometimes he thinks he has been single for so long, he doesn't even care anymore. He goes to the gym in PJs and flip flop. Some might consider the gym 'a gay church'. He goes to the gay church in PJs and flip flop. If there is a gay Jesus he would've been smacked 10,000 times by now.

Most of the time he would go to school with no products in his hair. And he knows damn well that his hair looks exactly like a birdnest in the morning. He buys nice colognes for displaying purposes, not for wearing. And he knows damn well how important a person's scent is. In some way, he believes his prince loves the smell of fish and feet.

No, silly. You will never get to smell him when he is fish and feet. That right is reserved especially for his husband.

When was the last time I wrote a sex post? It has been too long.

I'm getting a little horny.

So, door is closed, blinds are drawn, lube is out, porn¹ is running.

Then, while I was unzipping my pants, I shifted a little bit and somehow, I magically sat on my right ball.

Yes, that's right. I sat on my own testicle.

As you can imagine, my hard on returned to soft on, and instead of jerking off, I'm sitting here howling in pain.

Fuck. My balls are huge.

This better be a blessing in disguise. What kind of blessing? I don't care. Maybe it's a sign telling me I should enter "The World's Biggest Testicle Contest".

Might as well anyway. I'm super broke from my trip to Philly.

Anybody needs any sexual favors? I give my readers extra-special rate. So extra-special, I can't even disclose it here. You gotta email me for it².



¹ Just for the record, it's a GAY porn.

² I am in no way insinuating that I'm a hooker or a prostitute. I'm totally "stripping to pay for college".

Fin.

“Hey so are you coming to Williamsburg or what?” Steve asked right after he tried to sink one of his stripe balls. It was Friday night, and we’re having a mini party. Not so much as a party, but more like a bunch of drug addicts getting high together.

“I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet. The train ticket is kinda expensive. What is it, like 60 bucks or something?” I bent down and took aim. My cue hit the white ball, the white ball hit a solid ball and both of them went straight down the side pocket.

“Actually it’s 70 bucks one way. But I have the 25% discount thing so it’ll be like 110 round trip,” he said as he fished out the white ball and positioned it somewhere on the table.

“What?!” I wasn’t expecting it. “Dude, then I don’t think I’m going dude. I’ve already spent waaaay too much money on this trip.”

“Are you serious? Tell Boz what you just said.”

“What?”

“Tell Boz what you just told me,” Steve turned around and yelled at our friend who’s sitting on the couch, talking to another friend of ours, Nick. “Hey Boz!”

Boz looked up.

“I’m not going to Williamsburg anymore. It’s too expensive.”

“I’ll give you the money for the ticket,” he said right before he turned his attention back to his laptop and murmured something to Nick. They both laughed.

“What? Are you trying to get rid of me or something?” I asked, but he didn’t hear me. I looked back at Steve, he gave me the I-don’t-know-anything shrug and proceed to sink a stripe ball with flourish.

I lost that game of pool in the end.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“So uhh about Williamsburg,” Boz brought it up again after he picked me up at the train station. I just came back from the Philly Art Museum. “I’ll give you 80 dollars for your ticket. No offense or anything, but I kinda want to be by myself for a little bit, you know?”

“Okay,” I said. I’ve been staying with him for 6 days now. Last night, right after I got the feeling that I wasn’t that welcomed anymore, I started thinking about going to Williamsburg. And the more I thought about it, the more it sounds like a good idea. I mean, partying and smoking? Plus somebody offered to pay for the train ticket. Whatever the intention was, I’ll take it.

“There’s a train that leaves tomorrow at 2.30 in the afternoon. I was thinking you can stay there till Tuesday morning, and then take a train to DC, and walked around there for a little bit, and then come back here. We’ll go to New York on Wednesday,” he continued.

“Sounds good.” What do you say when your host is literally kicking you out? What can you say?

We were both quiet for the rest of the way. He had the top down and we were zooming through the back roads in his Miata. I’m starting to get used to the humidity. It reminds me of home. Oddly enough, many things in Philly reminded me of home.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Did you guys get wings?” Steve asked as me and Boz entered his house.

“Yeah. Wings To Go. It’s Suicide,” I said as I proceed to chow down. “Man these are good!”

“See? Told ya.” Boz said.

“Oh man the fries is awesome!”

“Yeah they are pretty good.”

“Oh hey Steve,” I turned my attention to Steve with half a wing in one hand, another half in my mouth. “I’m going to Williamsburg.”

“Oh really?! I am going to Williamsburg too!” He joked. I decided to play along.

“Really? When are you going?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Really? Me too!” I gasped. “What a coincidence.”

“Yeah so where are you staying?”

“I don’t know. There’s gonna be parties at Williams and Mary right? I guess I’ll just passed out at the different party every night then I don’t have to worry about that.”

“That sounds great!”

“But seriously, do you have a place for me to stay?”

“Yeah, we have a couch. But you gotta help me move it from the storage.”

“Okay.”

“Oh and you’re gonna have to find a way to get to the frat house from the train station. I’ll be too stoned and too drunk to come pick you up.”

My heart sunk for the nth time that day. I thought when you invite someone over to your school to party, that someone is technically you so-called ‘guest’. I also thought that it would be rude to ask your ‘guest’ who has never been to where he was going, to “find a way to get to the frat house” by himself, especially when said ‘guest’ will arrive after dark.

“What are you serious?!”

“Yeah. It’s not too far away. It’s like a half a mile walk. I just don’t want to go pick you up when I’m stoned. Because it’ll seem like I’ll be walking forever and it’ll take forever.”

That was day 6 of my summer vacation. I’ll be staying for 8 more days. Note to self: next time, plan a short vacation. 14 days? Waaaaaaaaaaaay too long.

“And then on your way back on Tuesday, you can stop by DC and check out Smithsonian.”

I looked at him. I didn’t say anything. My heart sunk even lower. I just realized that my “Welcome to Philly” period has passed. When your friends got together and drew up a plan to pretty much “ship” you to somewhere else without even asking you first, even though it is YOU who is going, you know that you’ve been there too long.

It’s time to go home.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Hey Snakehead!”

“What?”

“Come upstairs!”

I went up.

“We’re gonna buy the train ticket.”

No, that wasn’t a question. That was a statement. We are going to buy ticket so they can get the hell away from me. I started wondering if I did anything wrong. Perhaps I’m too west coast-y for the east coast? Perhaps I should’ve just sit in a corner instead of actually talking to their friends and gotten along with them pretty smoothly?

“Okay.”

2 minutes later,

“Fuck. This doesn’t work for some reason.”

“What doesn’t work?”

“My Amtrak student card. I’m not getting the 25% discount. What now, Boz?” I’m just a puppet. They make the decisions for me. It’s time to say something.

“You know what?” My lips moved and those words came out. “Why don’t I go home?”

“You sure?” Boz asked. Was it just me or did his face just light up?

“Yeah. I’ve been here long enough anyway.”

“But I don’t want you to feel like we’re making you do this.”

“Oh no no no. I just need to check see if I can change my plane ticket. What’s America West’s number?”

5 minutes later, I found out that I would have to pay $250 to change my plane ticket. Do I want to pay $250 to leave tomorrow instead of a week later? My Mastercard said no. My Visa said no. My checking account said no. But my heart, my heart said yes. The decision has already been made, regardless of how much in debt I am or how much I’ve spent.

“Snakehead, I heard you’re leaving tomorrow,” Julie said as soon as she came up. “Is that true? I thought you were staying for another week? I thought you were coming to New York to visit me?”

“Yeah, I’m leaving tomorrow. I’ve stayed here long enough.”

“But how much you have to pay to change your ticket? Wait, are you leaving because of us? I know I haven’t been hanging out with you a lot and all, but are you leaving because you felt like we don’t want you here or something?”

“What?! No no no no!”

“Then why? Are you homesick? Because that’s understandable. You’ve been here for a week.”

“Yeah, actually I kinda am,” I fibbed.

“Oh well then. I’m sorry you didn’t see New York.”

“Well, there’s always next time, right?” I smiled. “Now let’s get down. Is there anymore wings left?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“So what do you think of the east coast?” Boz asked as he was driving me to the airport. We spent the entire day together, visited the interesting Franklin Institute and the stomach-turning Mutter Museum. I think he did this out of guilt. I think he knows that he’s the reason I’m going home a week earlier, and I think he knows I know.

“I love it. It’s great. I’m starting to get used to the weather. I mean, look at this. Tonight will be a great night. And the food, don’t even get me started on the food. I had the best meatball sub of my life, the best fries of my life, the best fried chickens of my life, the best cheese steaks of my life. I mean, I would come here again just for the food.”

“Well, I’m glad you liked it. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see New York. If there’s another place I love more than Philly, it’s New York.”

“Well, there’s always next time, right?”

“Yeah, definitely. If you ever want to come out here again, you know, just give me a call.”

“You know what? I think I will. And if I do, I’ll stay for a maximum of 5 days,” I held up 5 fingers. “That way you won’t get sick of me and try to get rid of me.”

He laughed. “That sounds great.”

I looked at him and smiled.

At that moment, we both came to a mutual understanding. The tension melted.

I bought the right decision with 250 dollars.

And it’s all worth it.

Summer vacation part 2.

- Eastcoasters use only 1-ply toilet papers, no matter how filthy rich they are. This has been confirmed at over 5 residences. Reason(s) behind this peculiar observation is/are still under investigation.

- Jersey shore is cool. Body surfing is so totally awesome. Being swept away by the waves is NOT cool. NOT cool at all.

- King of Prussia Mall is ridiculously HUUUUUUUUUUGE. My legs still hurt from all the walking. My wallet still hurts from all the money spent. But I look so fucking hot in all the new outfits I bought, including a pair of yellow Corona Light boxers and matching flip flops.

- Wakeboarding and water skiing sucks. Well, it's more like I suck at them. Seriously. I suck at them soooooo bad, I'd have more of a chance at sucking a man with erectile dysfunction who forgot to take his Viagra to complete hard on than getting up on the water.

- Chase Utley is still so fucking hot.

- I haven't jerked off in 5 days. It's a record. My ball sack is so full of sperms it's going to explode any minute now.

- I had Wawa meatball sub on Sunday. I had Wawa meatball sub on Monday. I had Wawa meatball sub on Tuesday. I had Wawa meatball sub on Wednesday. I was going to have a Wawa meatball sub today but the fucking dog ate it after I passed out last night.

- Please excuse all the profanities. I'm still hung over.

HAHAHAHAHHA

i AN SO FUCKINF DRUNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ABD I'M WATCHING ALI G RIGHT NOW. WHY AM I TYP-ING IN CAPITAL LETTERS?

Summer vacation part one.

So I went to a baseball game tonight for the first time in my 22 years of life.

What?!

Give me a break. I'm gay. The only balls I like are the ones hanging below a penis. These balls are awesome. Not as awesome as penis though. Nothing is awesome-r than penis. They are the best thing since sliced bread.

So anyway, I went to a baseball game. The stadium was nice, the HUGE projector screen was nice, the seats were nice (we had box seat tickets), and Chase Utley was h-a-w-t! Man, he has one nice ass!

How was the game?

I have absolutely no idea what the hell was going on the whole 2 hours we were there. The girl sitting next to me was explaining the game to me the whole time, and I still have no idea. I didn't even know who won the game until someone actually said "Phillies lost".

So yeah, baseball is not exactly my thing. But I had a great time. The weather was awesome. The first day I got to Philadelphia was apparently the hottest day of the century. The minute I got out of the airport, I immediately wanted to turn around and get on the first plane back. Whoever that said 'east coast is the best coast' apparently has never visited west coast. Because we all know that west coast is the best coast. I mean, c'mon, sunny and breezy at 75 degree everyday? What more can you ask for?

The next thing that bugs me about east coast is the cicadas. Stupid fucking cicadas. Shut the fuck up!! Aren't you only suppose to come out once every 15 or 20 years? From what I've heard, you were out last year, the year before and this year. WTF, mate?! I don't mind you around, but just keep your hormones under control and shut the fuck up when I'm trying to sleep!

The night I got here my friends took me to Pats, and I had the best cheesesteaks in my life there. And then there's Wawa. Oh my God. They have the best, and I mean the best, meatball sub ever. I get hard just thinking about it. Their meatball subs are the best thing since penis since sliced bread. I'm not kidding.

Yesterday we went sailing, and it was awesome. You can't get more relaxing than that. It's like the best thing since Wawa's meatball subs since penis since sliced bread. That, and the fact that you're sailing with a hot guy just makes it so much better.

See? I said hot guy. I am sooo gay. You hear that? I am gay. Not straight.

And of course, how can I forget the weed? These people I'm hanging out with? Totally jaded stoner. Last night we didn't have a pipe or a bubbler or a bong or a can, so one of them make a pipe out of aluminum foil. I immediately fell in love with him. He had me at "I can make a pipe out of aluminum foil". My nipples got ragingly hard the second he said that.

Too bad he's straight. Why are all the good ones straight or married?

Oh and by the way, Mr. or Ms. only free sites that show pics. and videos of hugh wore out pussies, you are sick. Go see a doctor or check yourself into a loony bin.

Snakey.....OUT!

Coz I'm leaving on a jetplane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I have to go.

Sunburned Barbarian wishes ME...



A HAPPY SUMMER VACATION!!
Please drink responsibly.

He seems kinda angry 'cause he's jealous and sunburned. Plus he cut himself this morning while putting his helmet on. I told him to get rid of the horns but he just won't listen.

See you guys on the other side of the country, where I'll be 3 hours older and my dick will be 3 inches longer!

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you,

my ass.



Nice ass, huh? And the mankini^© line is awesome, isn't it?

You have no idea how hard it is to draw your ass while looking in the mirror at the same time. I mean, it take a lot of practise to get it right.

I'm seriously considering becoming an artist specialized in human anatomy. I have to let my talents shine!

I'm so delirious I'm random.

My house smells like rice.

My room smells like me.

Last night I saw my neighbor's door wide open at 2 am, but everyone was asleep.

One time I stole 2 cloves of garlic from the grocery store. I didn't hide it in my pocket. It was in a bag with 4 other stalks of Bak Choy. The cashier didn't see it. I came home all excited and told my roommate, and he lectured me.

I've been studying like crazy since Monday.

I've been jerking off like crazy since Monday.

Studying and jerking off always go hand in hand. At least for me.

My 3rd iPod is finally working properly. I'm starting to like it. As a result, I've been walking around a lot instead of riding my bike.

They say walking can lead to the production of a great ass.

I'll keep you guys posted about that.

You and me? We are so over.

I'm going to let a war hog chew off my testicles before I buy another Mac product.

Today I went to an Apple store to get my 2nd broken iPod fixed. I got there exactly at noon. Guess how long do I have to wait to talk to those mother fuckering "Mac Geniuses"?

3 bloody fucking hours.

3 mother fucking bloody hours.

And it only took them 10 minutes to give me a replacement. So now I have a 3rd new iPod in 2 weeks.

I have completely lost faith in all their products. They are all expensive piece of shits.

During the 3 hours I was there waiting like a moron, I went around the store and changed every single on-display iPod's backlight settings to 'always on'.

I get a strange satisfaction out of it.

Perhaps I should've changed the language to Korean or Chinese as well.

Today I hate title.

"You asshole!"

A lady whose freestyle looks like she's drowning because there's a frog pulling her from underwater said that to me this morning while we're swimming at the pool.

Why?

I'm still trying to figure that out this minute. But I have a few theories.

a) she hates hot guys in red speedo
b) she hates hot guys in red speedo who actually knows how to swim
c) she hates hot guys in red speedo who actually knows how to swim who accidentally touched her foot
d) she hates hot guys in red speedo who actually knows how to swim who accidentally touched her foot because she was going up and down while everybody else was doing laps.

Later, I observed her for a while, man, I gotta tell you, she has no rhythm at all. If she swings her arms any faster, the local meteorologist might have to issue a tornado warning. And instead of kicking the water, she's actually fanning the person behind her with her feet.

Anyway, I got my iPod back on Friday. And I'm already tired of it. iPod is so overrated. Besides, this allegedly new iPod that they sent me has broken backlight. The light would blink rapidly and then poof, no more lights.

I've always thought Mac sucks. I can't believe their products are agreeing with me. MAC FUCKING SUCKS ASSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! And there's nothing you Mac people can say to change my mind.

No.

Not at all.

From now on, my 1st impression of Mac? Looks good on the outside, rotten on the inside. Mac is only good for one thing: display.

While we're at that, I got something that will probably blow all your minds away.

1) I don't like carbonated drinks, i.e. sodas. If I have the time, I'll open a can of Coke and let it sit until it's flat before drinking it.
2) I hate cold drinks. If you give me something straight out of the fridge, or worse, the freezer, I'll politely decline your offer and instead pour myself a glass of warm water. I like my water luke warm.
3) I despise beers. Oh my God I fucking hate beers. They all taste the same. From Pabst Blue Ribbon to Corona to the best beer in the world, they all taste like horse piss to me. Not that I've actually tasted horse piss, mind you. I'm just saying beers taste as bad as horse piss.

Titty Man

by Rock Baby

Warning, warning
This poem is not suitable for those who take life too serious
And lack a sense of humor.

Titty man gone wild
Titties, titties, titties!
I love me some titties
Big titties, small titties, skinny titties
Tall titties, titties sagging down
Titties juicy and round.

I love me some titties
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
I like those titties with a dark nipple in the middle
And ohhh! When they jiggle
Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle
Iggle, iggle, iggle, iggle
Iggle, iggle, iggle.

Breasts-ises
B-R-E-A-S-T-S--ISES
Just another name for those titties
You see they come in all shapes and sizes and forms
The average person don't know 'em like I know 'em
This goes for the ladies, too
Who've had titties
All their life.

I can tell the difference between a real titty, a fake titty
A too-young titty
And a titty that's ready and ripe
'Cause I'm a titty man
Hell, I could tell your future
If you just let me hold those titties in my hands.

You see, it does something to me when I see and hear a bra snap
When those titties stand out
It makes a brother like me
Moan and groan and slooooobber at the mouth
Especially when they're naked and pressed up against my chest
It makes it difficult to choose the type of titty that I love the best.

It could be old titties, swoll titties, titties hanging loose
Titties that look like fruits
Titties fully grown
Titties made of silicone
Tittes that make you always wanna hold her
Titties that you can throw over your shoulders.

Titties, difference colors, and I need them
Tittes on people who don't need them
Mean titties, sad titties
Titties that make you wish you had titties
Perfect titties squeezed together
And pushed to the front.

Now if I had a pair of titties
Those would be the type of titties that I'd want
Because I looooove me some titties.

I like 'em on the beach
In the sand
And when it's hot at home
I like to lick those titties in front of a fan
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh..

Whether in a regular, laced or fuzzy bra
I like those tittes that belongs to super stars
And for those ladies with those titties swoll like 2 balloons
I like to stick my face between 'em and go.

Bur-bur-bur-burrrrrrrrr!

Because I loooooove me some titties
LORD!

I was watching Def Poetry and I came across this guy. He had me laughing so hard I peed my pants. You should totally check him out. Season 3, episode 4.

Just thought I'd share.

Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go take a nap. Translating a whole poem into words is so very tiring.

'Tis.

I walked to Walgreens located 2 blocks from my house to get something.

On the way back, I saw a family of 6 taking a post-dinner walk on my block. Husband and wife, 2 little girls, and 2 dogs.

I stood there and watched them. It was serene and tranquil.

They saw me.

They waved.

I waved back. Then I turned around and continue walking.

It was...... nice.

Someday, I want a family of 6 of my own.

Me, the man I love inspite of his beer belly and him being a little rough around the edges when it comes to some things, our kids Ethan, Josh and a girl whose name I haven't decide yet, and a yellow lab.

And on a beautiful evening like this one, we'll take our own post-dinner walk.

Yes, we will.

It's a promise.

Don't even have time to take a piss.

I've been extremely busy this couple days. Got a buttload of shit to take care of. That sentence just cracked me up. A buttload of shit. Hahahahahahaha....

So, uhh, where was I?

My iPod is on it's way to the iHospital, where he'll be (insert all the kinky stuff you can do with an iPod here), (here) and (here). Marriedman, don't let me down now, K? Show us your true color. Bring your nastiness to a whole new level!

Besides that, I've been too busy procrastinating. You have no idea how much work it takes to procrastinate studying a class that you're on the brink of failing. Do you know how much stress that is? Lying on my bed watching TV and worrying about failing that mother fucking stupid class at the same time? It takes years and years of practise, my friend.

I got my midterm back today. Thanks to all of your lucks, I got a 42/75. Not too bad, but that means that I need to get a 79/115 on the final next Friday to get a bloody C- in the fucking class, which will inevitably pull my GPA way way down.

GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCHY BASTARD!!!!!!!

That also means that I won't be able to write as often as I'd like for the next week or so, even though I have something I wanted to write about. Stress kills all my inspiration to write.

On the other hand, I'm going on a vacation next Saturday, the day after final, for 2 weeks. Mainly in Philly 'cause that's where my friends live, but I'll make them drive me around the east coast as this is my first visit to the east in my entire life. I'm bossy like that. They should know the whole world evolves around me by now. Plus I give them free blow jobs/hand jobs/rim jobs in return. In my opinion, they are getting the better part of the deal here. But, whatever.

So, what's there to do on the east coast?

I got Jersey shore, South St., Philly Art Museum, NY MoMA, Smithsonian and a bunch of partying and pot-smoking on the list.

Got any suggestions?

Man, I can't wait to be inebriated and high for 2 weeks. That's gonna be a-w-e-s-o-m-e.

Hey! Something just hit me! Do you want to guest blog? Like what Jazz was doing for a little while? If you do, send me something and I'll post it. Preferrably something perverted, but that's totally up to you.*


* This feature is inspired by Jazz, brought to you by me, and is totally not patented. All inspirations are credited to the woman with the most stunningly beautiful cleavage in blogland.